


(this time) i'm gonna be stronger

by biochemprincess



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-20
Updated: 2015-02-20
Packaged: 2018-03-13 11:34:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,021
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3380021
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/biochemprincess/pseuds/biochemprincess
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jemma tries to keep May from falling.</p>
            </blockquote>





	(this time) i'm gonna be stronger

**Author's Note:**

> I fully blame this on imperfectlychaotic for telling me about the MaySimmons weekend. Thank you :D  
> Title comes from the song 'Not Giving In' by Rudimental ft. John Newman & Alex Clare

The team doesn't celebrate the holidays. They just let Christmas and New Year's pass by, like it doesn't even happen.

They live in a vacuum, somewhere so far outside of reality, it seems like a whole different universe. And while they all face the aftermath of losing a dearly loved team member, they all cope differently.

Jemma spends all of her time in the lab, only leaving it to eat or sleep. (And sometimes not even for that.) Because at least she's doing  _something._

She watches Fitz packing up his things and moving to the garage, where he does the same - work until there's nothing left to think about.

She watches Bobbi sneak into Lance' bunk late at night and vice versa, seeking comfort in each other's arms.

She watches Mack during quiet moments, when he's staring into space, trying to difference between himself and the thing he was in the tunnels.

She watches Skye, lying still in her bed, her body full of sedatives, because she doesn't trust herself around the people she loves anymore.

And she watches May, trying to keep them together, leading them through the endless night, when she doesn't see the light herself. It's especially hard to see the strongest woman she knows fall from grace.

Jemma watches and watches and watches until she cannot take it anymore.

 

***

 

Exact dates fade from their focus, it's day and then there's night and time just passes by unnoticed.

Some time around the end of January they hand over the urn with Trip's last remains to his mother.

It's feels like losing him all over again.

Coulson decided that only part of the team is allowed to go, so they split up. And while Fitz takes care of Skye at the base and Bobbi, Lance and Mack take care of the base; she and Coulson and May visit Trip's parents' house.

It's short and messy and Jemma doesn't remember much of it when they come back to the base later that day.

But she'll forever remember the look of utter devastation on Caroline Triplett's face.

Just like she'll never forget how May's face falls, the brave masque she's tried to put up for the team's sake, being replaced by guilt and the wish to turn back time.

 

***

 

She can see the cracks behind May's facade. Thin lines running under the surface, only visible if you looked out for them.

Jemma knows how much May wants to hide them, as they mirror each other - she wants to hide her own just as much.

May has been broken and she's built up herself afterwards again, a phoenix rising out of ashes. She is what Jemma tries to accomplish.

But the last months take their toll and not even May can deny that forever.

Yes, Jemma can see the cracks begin to break. But they would find a way to mend them. Somehow.

 

***

 

At 3am in the morning, two cups of green tea ready, she finds May in the cockpit of the old Bus. She spends many nights in there - this is her coping mechanism.

Jemma's probably the last person on earth, who should offer comfort and a shoulder to cry on.

She has come apart at the seams, alone and lonely in an apartment too big for a broken person like her. On some particular bad days and even more sleepless night Jemma is not sure if the price was worth it, but she can't change it anyway.

But now she has to be the one standing strong, pushing back her own emotions to help fix what is left of their team. She knows it's not healthy and one day in the near future she might be breaking, but right now the others are more important.

She desperately wants to help, wants to fix the mess they've become, but she just doesn't know how. Which is the main problem in the equation.

Jemma offers her one cup and waits in silence as May weighs up the option of company. May eventually takes the tea, nodding towards the vacant seat next to her and offering her a place in her sanctuary.

They spend hours in comfortable silence together, without a single word spoken.

 

***

 

If Jemma thought May would break like she did, she's proven wrong. 

There are no nightmares and fighting back tears during some random moments in the middle of the day. There is no break down or even the slightest hint of suffering.

May is still the warrior - she endures. But there is an exhaustion in her eyes, she cannot hide. Sadness is taking over and the older woman is more untouchable than ever before.

Jemma thinks about a solution for a long time, but she can't really come up with anything helpful. So she just tries something.

Whenever she sees her, whenever Coulson's briefing them she tries to be near her - she's putting a hand on her shoulder or touching her hand.

The first few times May looks puzzled, like she can't really believe it, but gradually she's getting used to it. She never tells Jemma to stop and so she doesn't.

 

***

 

"If you want to talk about, I'll listen."

"Simmons."

"You don't have to, of course."

"Simmons."

"I mean, I'm not one who should be talking, but ---"

"Jemma."

"Yes?"

"Thank you."

 

***

 

They continue the tea in the middle of the night habit. It's calming for both of them, knowing there is someone who understands the pain underneath the layers of disguise.

Some nights Skye is joining them in their, what she calls 'tea party', though she prefers to be alone most of the time and Jemma can't really blame her.

After an especially bad day for all of them, even Bobbi is coming over to the cockpit, but her tea is usually a bottle of beer. They start fighting over the only seat, since May's is untouchable. 

It's a 'Girls Only' activity, and Jemma can't help but notice the amused smile on May's face as they try settle their argument the old fashioned way - with a game of rock - papper - scissors.

And some of the cracks slowly fade.


End file.
